Maria Duval - Types Of Self-Defeating Communication

Types Of Self-Defeating Communication
If there was a law against people verbally abusing themselves, it would be a safe bet that most Americans would now be in jail. The things we say to ourselves both silently and out loud are amazing! And we say these things to ourselves almost constantly. For example, how many times have you found yourself making derogatory remarks about how you reacted to a situation you have just experienced? We tend to judge and invalidate our actions when they are out of sync with our beliefs about what is right and wrong or good and bad.

If you are like the average person in our society, I suspect that you make such self-deprecating statements all too frequently. Likewise, I strongly suspect that the frequency with which you verbally abuse yourself about goals detracts significantly from your results.

I have good reason for both suspicions. First, it is common knowledge that people talk to themselves when involved with certain tasks. Salespeople talk to themselves before meeting a client, lawyers talk to themselves about judges and jurors and musicians talk to themselves about the requirements of a piece they will play. Butcher, baker, or candlestick maker ? it makes no difference. All people talk to themselves.

There are two types of self-defeating statements that people are prone to make. First, there are negative self-statements; that is, statements that deprecate your own self-worth and abilities. Second, there are self-pressure statements; that is, statements that bring greater pressure on you than the situation demands.

When you make either self-pressuring statements or negative self-statements, several things can happen, most of which are bad. Negative self-statements frequently become what we call self-fulfilling prophecies. This simply means that because we expect negative reactions from ourselves, based on the negative things we?ve said about ourselves, we are likely to behave accordingly. This is because we begin to think obsessively about how bad we are rather than think about what we need to do in order to properly execute.

Fortunately, simply by being aware of these types of self-defeating statements, you can work to develop a positive approach to your self-talk, and overcome this negative cycle.

Dr. Patrick Porter is an entrepreneur, award-winning author, and motivational speaker. His electrifying keynote speeches and seminars deliver the real life, nuts ?n bolts concepts he used to take his business venture to astounding heights. http://www.patrickkporter.com

Get Your Act Together or Admit You Just Don't Get It
Get Your Act Together or Admit that you Just Don't Get It by: David Brooke As the clich� goes, you can kill someone with kindness. If you expect kindness from this article, stop reading now. You're a mess. And you're a mess because you can't stop thinking about what a mess you are, when you're thinking at all. Now cut the navel-gazing and self-indulgence crap. People depend on you, and if they don't you're in worse shape than I thought. Life isn't just about you. If you're financially in the hole, if you're killing yourself with prescription drugs, bad food, television and cigarettes or if you can't hold on to a job or relationship, chances are you're not just hurting yourself. You're hurting your family, friends and community, and you're certainly not making the world a better place. Start by doing one good thing on a regular basis. Give blood once a month. Put in an afternoon a week at a soup kitchen. Shovel your elderly neighbor's walk when it snows. Call your Mom. None of these things will change your life. They will change you. Not much, just enough to realize that there is a world outside of you, that when you give to it, it gives back. Immediately. If helping others, doing good, doesn't make you feel good, you don't get it. Again, stop reading now. Your one regular good deed won't get you the career, the girl, the dance moves or the early retirement you want but you'd be surprised at how far it takes you in the right direction. Doing good means feeling good, and feeling good is half the battle. In more direct terms, it helps you meet people and maintain relationships, and it's good for your reputation. As much as we think we don't need others, it's important to see ourselves in their eyes, and to like what we see. Once you're comfortable with your slight change in habits, try another. Then another. Take it slow, and make sure you're settled into one good habit before changing another. Not every good thing has to be an act of charity or benevolence. Once you start to like yourself a little more you'll "get" that doing good for yourself is the same thing as doing good for others. At that point, you'll have initiated the change you originally sought, and you'll be glad you decided to read to the end of this article.

David Brooke, aka �The Brooker� has been a coach, speaker, and motivator for over 25 years, specializing in coaching people to be more productive and overcome tragedies in their lives. To access his �How to be Great in 2008� strategies for getting your life back on track, visit: http://www.thebrooker.com

Understanding Personal Growth
I want everyone to be free of constraints and conditioning, whether cultural, environmental or societal. When this happens, people will live with joy, love, gratitude, and abundance. When people engage fully in a Personal Growth journey they experience a new sense of freedom and purpose that they never had before. Personal Growth is, at its core, about nurturing the growth of an individual. We are holistic beings with a mind, body, and spirit. We live in a world where we are increasingly challenged to draw upon our full potential. Personal Growth helps us to rise to the occasion�"to become all that we may be and adapt to the lightning-speed changes in society. Personal Growth and Spiritual growth are very intertwined. As Teilhard de Chardin said, We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Is it an innate force that propels us forward to engage in life and everything around us? Some say the force is God, the Universe, the Divine Spirit, or something else. For me, it is the Spiritual that both moves and defines us. Personal Growth is the connection to that innate power, which allows an individual to grow and live life to the fullest. Many people are not aware or do not understand what Personal Growth is. I believe one of the core reasons is because it is called by so many names. Personal Growth may also be known by: self help, personal development, self-improvement, new age, and many others. In my opinion, once we choose a name for the concept of the growth of an individual, even more people will understand what’s possible for them and the world. I feel that Personal Growth is the best name. Personal Growth is a solo journey and one you don’t have to embark on alone. Even though you take the journey yourself, others are working on their journey as well. When we support each other everyone grows exponentially. For me, Personal Growth is a way of life �" a way of being, thinking, feeling, and acting. It begs the questions: What do you think about during the day? How do you feel most of the time? How proactive are you in life? To what level are you playing in life? Who are you? We are creatures of habit. Have you been thinking, feeling, or acting in a certain fashion for too long and want to break with old patterns? By fully embracing Personal Growth and taking action to change, you can transform your life and start thinking, feeling, and acting in brand new ways.

Manny Goldman is the founder and the visionary force behind PersonalGrowth.com. His vision is to create a community through PersonalGrowth.com that will transform the lives of billions of people. A community where it is normal for each person to share in each others’ successes, provide valuable support, encouragement and accountability. He envisions a world where Personal Growth is common practice and each person living their dreams to their full potential. http://www.personalgrowth.com

Depression And Relationships
Depression can be a very lonely illness and your relationships are a key part of how you cope with your depression. You need friends for support. Not just good weather friends but friends who can support you when you?re down. If one of these friends is also depressed it is not necessarily a bad thing. You can understand each other and perhaps be there on each other?s bad days (but not if you?re having a bad time at the same time). However, you need to be conscious when choosing sexual partners that your depression will have altered you as a person. It is likely that the person you get together with when depressed will not be the person you want to be with when you are better. When you are depressed you are a different person ? you may not even know who you really are ? but your partner will be with the person you are at that time. Also, depression alters your view of the world and therefore your view of other people, so your view of your partner will not be the same when you are better.

Now, I?m not saying that you shouldn?t start a relationship when depressed. On the contrary, it could be the best thing for you. It may provide the stability you need to start working through your problems and you may be able to talk to your partner about things you can?t discuss with anyone else. Your partner may be the only person you can relax around and start to feel yourself again. Issues may arise that hadn?t before and wouldn?t have come up if you weren?t in a relationship. On the other hand, you may find that you keep up the pretence of being the person you think you ought to be. There is also the possibility that the relationship could fail before you are ready - perhaps due to your depression. This will make you worse. Either way, the stability may give you the space to start seeing things differently and the confidence to start seeking therapy.

However, what I strongly advise is do not start a relationship with someone who is also depressed. I am not a doctor but I do have 25 years experience of depression and there are two likely outcomes of this sort of relationship. Firstly, one of you will get better, you will split and the other will get worse. The reason is this: if you are simply friends with another depressed person you can help each other and if one of you gets better you can still be there to help the other one with your understanding and advice. However, if you are in a relationship with another depressed person and one of you gets better and you split up then the other person will have suffered the end of their relationship plus the loss of their friendship and support. By all means be friends with other depressed people, we all need friends when we?re depressed, but wait until you have both recovered before you think about starting a sexual partnership.

Depression is a difficult illness to really get rid of. Once you have had it there is always the possibility of a recurrence. If you have recovered from your depression but are still in a relationship with someone who is depressed it is very difficult to stay recovered. Also, you may find that you want to get out of the relationship but feel trapped because you know that the other person will get worse. The stress of this may send you back into depression. This is the second outome - you will both remain depressed.

There are two remaining possible outcomes - the first is that you will both get better and stay together. I believe this is highly unlikely but not impossible. You will both be different people when you are better, with different views and personalities from when you first got together. You may still like each other but want different things. It would be great if you both manage to help each other through depression and out the other side but the normal stresses and strains of a relationship make this unlikely.

The other outcome is that one of you will get better and you will stay together. I think this is the least likely to happen. If you recover from depression and live with someone who is depressed you are not likely to be really happy. You may still remember the feelings and understand but there may be an element of "I got through it so you should be able to as well." We all know that's unreasonable as part of depression is the feeling that you just can't try any more but don't people always say that ex-smokers and the worst critics of smokers?

Bear in mind that a long-term partnership is not necessarily a bad thing when you are depressed but please think about the consequences of getting together with another depressed person. Try to help each other and be there for each other but keep enough distance between you so that you help each other and not bring each other down. In other words, stay friends and don?t live with each other, at least, not until you know who you really are.

June23 maintains the Depression Online Site - a collection of articles for people living either with depression or with someone with depression.

One Rug One Story: N.K. Chaudhary
Mr. Nand Kishore. Chaudhary dedicated his 30 years of experience in carpet business to his company, Jaipur Rugs Company Pvt. Ltd. and is now Managing Director of it.
Born and brought up in a small town in India, Churu, it was his grit and determination that made Mr. Chaudhary embark on a mission that would go on to reshape the Indian carpet industry.
A personification of simplicity, Mr. Nand Kishore Chaudhary is thoroughly dedicated to the Indian hand-knotted rug weaving industry with a mission to give it its rightful place in the world and to bestow the benefit and recognition of this to its apt owner, the Indian weaver.
For the welfare of weavers and those indirectly linked with the rug weaving industry, he set up an NGO by the name of Jaipur Rugs Foundation, A voluntary, non-profit and secular organization which came into existence in the year 2003, Jaipur Rugs Foundation under the guidance of Mr. N. K. Chaudhary is working for the socio-economic development of weavers. Through its initiatives thousands of weavers are receiving skill enhancement training and financial assistance for an independent and prosperous future in rug weaving.
Hobbies:
1) Gaining in-depth knowledge of Carpet Weaving and all manufacturing processes of
Hand-Knotted Carpet Industry

2) Research & Implementation of latest Business Management Techniques.
Experience:
Started his business operations in 1978, with only two looms with the weaving job work, since then he has been continuing the operations in carpet business. Mr. Nand Kishore Chaudhary, Managing Director of Jaipur Rugs Company Pvt. Ltd., Jaipur (India) incorporated in year 1999, and the President of Jaipur Rugs, Inc., Atlanta, Georgia (USA), incorporated in year 1998. His dedication of 28 years of experience in Carpet Industry is a major achievement for which he has been awarded at both National and International Levels.
Achievements:
1) Received Gold Trophy Award, winners for the highest unit value realization of Hand-Knotted Woolen Carpets presented by Sh.G.Venkat Swami (Minister of Textiles) organized by Carpet Export Promotion Council in 1995 at New Delhi.
2) Received State Export Award to Jaipur Rugs Company Pvt. Ltd in 2005 for the financial year 2003-04.
3) Magnificent Carpet Awards to Jaipur Rugs Inc, in 2006 by America’s Mart, Trade Fair organized in Atlanta, US.
4) Certificate of Merit by CEPC (2004-05)
5) Certificate of Merit by CEPC (2003-04)
6) Export Award by CEPC (1996-97)
7) Export Award by CEPC (1993-94)
Memberships:
Mr. Chaudhary is the member of the following organizations:-
1) TIE “The Indus Entrepreneurs” represents “Talent, Ideas & Enterprise”.
2) Confederation of Indian Industry (CII).
3) Jaipur Management Association.
4) Delhi Management Association.
5) Mumbai Management Association.
6) Indo American Society.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Family Details:
1) Wife �" Smt. Sulochana Chaudhary �" Involved in Family Business.
2) 3 Daughters -
a) Ms.Asha Chaudhary - Completed BBA (Bachelor in Business Administration) from Emory University, Atlanta (US), business woman, Director of Jaipur Rugs, Inc., is looking after the business operations in Atlanta, US.
b) Ms.Archana Chaudhary �" Completed B.SC in Textile Chemistry from North Carolina University in US., business woman looking after the business operations of Jaipur Rugs Inc., Atlanta, US.
c) Ms.Kavita Chaudhary �" Completed graduation from Chicago, looking after the business operations of Jaipur Rugs Company Pvt. Ltd in India.
3) 2 Sons - a) Mr.Yogesh Chaudhary - Pursuing graduation in Management with finance and accounting from Boston College, Boston, US.
b) Master Nitesh Chaudhary �" Pursuing secondary education 11th Std. from Good Shepherd International School in Ooty, India.
He sent his four elder children to US to understand the lifestyle of the customers and pursuing higher education.

The Tangible Reality of his Brain Child, Jaipur Rugs Foundation
In year 2004, he established the J.R.F. (Jaipur Rugs Foundation) for Research & Development of the carpet industry (the design, color, texture, weaver’s training and skill up gradation) and to make it compatible with the International Market. Jaipur rugs Foundation is an initiative of Jaipur Rugs Company Pvt. Ltd. with the following aims in mind:-
1) Directing the flow of benefits towards the artisans behind the story. This aimed at a socio-economic relation that tosses out the Middlemen and makes the artisans free from exploitation and under payment.
2) Promotion of new designs as per the International demand so as to bring more work to the artisans which in turns brings more income and prosperity.
3) Uplift the social status of the artisans by aiding them raising their standard of living through carpet weaving which in turn causes the economic growth of the industry.
4) Promotion of research for new technology to bring it closer to international market due to its high demanding nature.
5) Welfare Schemes through Microfinance which help the artisans get motivated for becoming economically sound and able to hold assets like their own looms.
6) Spreading and nurturing the art of carpet weaving for those who are too poor to hold any agricultural holding but can do work for living. These people will find their living through carpet weaving, a job with satisfaction.
7) Refining and updating the skills of the artisans enabling them to get more income regarding the improved quality of their work
The Difference Almost all NGO do little or more the same but his mindset was clearly different, He promoted the “Extended Family Concept” in which the artisans as not looked upon as mere laborers; rather as family members. Each and every artisan who is associated with him is considered a family member and hence given equal importance like any other member of family. This strengthens the bond between his thought and the reality enabling him to have a closer and more deliberate relation. This also provides the sense of dignity to the artisans who increase their moral and therefore their productivity which in turns brings prosperity to their homes and of course in our Family.

John Silvester

How to Stop Contradicting Your Affirmations
The reason you use affirmations is to reprogram your brain, beliefs, and habits or attachments to negative beliefs and behaviors so you get the outcomes you desire . . . right? If you practice self-sabotage in this area, here are a few pointers to assist you.

Affirmations are often thought of as feel-good statements, and they certainly should be; but if you have little to no belief that there is truth to a statement, Law of Attraction will perform perfectly and you will wonder why the shift or result you desire is not happening.

An affirmation states something is a truth, no matter what has happened before. This gets tricky because if you believe the past as true evidence or proof (rather than a result of your beliefs and thoughts), it can be a challenge to believe the affirmation over the false proof that demonstrated otherwise.

Stating and repeating an affirmation that your inner voice contradicts means, without realizing it, you just affirmed (stated as a fact) the contradiction as your reality . . . not the original affirmation.

"As thou hast believed, so be it done unto thee," explains exactly how Law of Attraction works. It doesn't say as you hope or wish, but as you believe. If you state an affirmation and return to struggling as before, you miss the point. Law of Attraction works for you to the degree you believe it can or does.

It is vital that you replace an old belief that no longer serves you (and this includes what you call facts) with the energy vibration of what you now claim as your new reality. Even starting by believing in the possibility it can be your reality has a higher vibration than believing it cannot. You can hold the vibration of new possibilities and outcomes of the affirmation as your truth.

Believing doesn't mean have a belief as much as it means have faith. Faith comes from true knowing, from knowing the Truth. Spirit is an absolute presence in your life because it is All That Is and all you are. Law of Attraction is a force, a tool, and it works without fail by matching your vibrations. Spirit uses Law of Attraction to receive and respond to your requests and as the means to allow you to self-evolve. But even Spirit follows the Law and responds in direct proportion to what you believe and how much you believe it.

Belief comes from intellect; faith comes from absolute trust in the Truth of Spirit and that Law of Attraction works every time. It is a feeling. It is a knowing as a result of having a genuine, ongoing relationship with Spirit and conscious use of the Law. Ask yourself what such a relationship looks and feels like to you. If this is not your current experience, ask Spirit to show you how to make it so and how to understand Law of Attraction. Your request will be answered.

And remember: beliefs change; truths never do.

Joyce Shafer, L.E.C., is the 4P Power Coach (jls1422@yahoo.com). 4P Power Coaching is for those who wish to use a spiritual approach (and tools) to life and business through conscious use of Law of Attraction. Details, free newsletter, quiz, and more at http://www.freewebs.com/coach4lifebalance ~ Books, reviews, preview chapters at www.lulu.com, including Law of Attraction Alchemy, which includes 64 powerful affirmations � with a twist!

Women and Insecurity
Women and Insecurity Competition can be friendly and fun as opposed to back-stabbing and cruel. You do not have to deceive others for your light to shine. We all have different talents and abilities, in which makes us unique as women. So why are you trying to be like the women that you are competing against? Because you envy them and you are an insecure woman. Insecure women have very low self-esteem, no self-confidence, and can't even begin to think self-awareness, resulting in cruel remarks and judgement of other women that they don't even know. You see, if you were so secure with yourself, you probably would have given a compliment instead of "She thinks she is all of that." You really thought she was all of that, or you wouldn't have made the comment in the first place. Insecure women have no identity and want so desperately to find one so they seek out the confident woman and mimic her every move, her mannerisms, and her style and in the same turn, always making negative remarks about her. Instead of wasting all of your insecure energies on trying to cause discomfort in the confident woman's life, why don't you invest positive energies into improving your own. Confident women are confident because they believe in themselves and their abilities. They know what they are worth and no one can tell them different. They didn't get this way by sleeping with the boss or deceiving others. They earned this confidence because of the struggles in their past, the perseverance in their present, and the contentment in their futures. If you are an insecure woman and you are reading this article.....Get It Together! Stop trying to strip women of their confidence by digging your self-esteem further and deeper into the ground. Work on yourself, build your confidence and become self-aware. This way, there'll be no need to envy what another woman has because you'll be satisfied with what you already have. Sincerely, Monica M. Burns Monica M. Burns, Editor copyright2005 Monica M. Burns. All Rights Reserved. About The Author Monica M. Burns is a writer, expert author, and editor of Monica M. Burns, Inc. Information Publishing, small web based businesses providing informational self-help products for women. She has authored several eBooklets and other reading information materials and is a featured Expert Author on many websites. She has also contributed to several poetic anthologies. If you would like to publish any of this author's articles electronically or in print to your websites, ebooks, newsletters, or ezines, you MUST include this resource box.



Intelligent Optimism Wins In Today's World
The reality of today's world seems to leave little room for optimism. Almost every news story can lead because it does bleed. We hear of critical food shortages in Africa, daily gang deaths on city streets, the profiteering from child pornography, and the climatic disasters prompted by global warming. Health care costs move up faster than a hummingbird in flight and more children now spout profanities as a regular part of speech. With such negativity, no wonder a 2004 U.S. government survey found that depression afflicts one in 10 adults 14 days a month or more.

You probably get depressed just reading the opening paragraph. But wait! There is hope. Not the cock-eyed optimism that became fodder for a song from the musical South Pacific, but rather what psychologists in France are calling "intelligent optimism." Such optimism does not deny the reality of today's world, but rather seeks to LEARN how to fashion a life amid such difficulties. Martin Seligman, the psychologist who had made optimism and happiness his life's work, would agree with the French: optimism can be taught.

Consider these basic steps:

(1) Focus on what you can control. Don't get carried away by circumstances you cannot change. You might not change global warming but you can control your energy consumption. You can't stop the downsizing in your company but you can arm yourself with marketable skills.

(2) Reframe the event so that you are not a victim. There is always another way to view a situation. The flight cancellation that caused me to miss (and forfeit) a major engagement was not "planned" to "get" me. It just was. My choice is to figure out what I can do to help the current client and what I will put in the place of the cancelled work.

(3) Think "enough". When we concentrate on what we don't have, we miss all the many things we do have. The truth of the matter is that if you are reading this article, you do have enough computer power. You do have enough intelligence. You do have enough time.

(4) Cultivate optimistic responses. Like a farmer tending a field, optimism will never grow unless it is watered, fed, weeded and nourished. We all have days in which negativity can take over. And, sometimes, that is a WISE response because it keeps us grounded in reality. Just make sure it is reality and not the imagination making extraordinary leaps into conjecture. Weed out that conjecture. Ask what you can DO to see a result that gives you a sense of power. If we don't cultivate such intelligent optimism, be aware of reality and willing to find options, then we might do what Alexander Graham Bell warned. "Stare so long at the closed door we fail to see the one that is opening."

(5) Remember the power of generations. Children of depressed parents are more prone to depression. Children of optimists are more prone to be optimists. What do you choose to pass along? Even if your parents were negative, you can break the cycle with stopping, freeze-framing a situation, listening to the negative self talk, and then literally giving yourself a different message. Yes, this takes practice but you can make it a habit if you work it over time.

Ultimately, intelligent optimists understand that change and chaos are given. They know that "this too shall pass". In the meantime, they CHOOSE to take whatever action they can within their own sphere of influence and then settle back. It is enough.

(c) 2005, McDargh Communications. Publication rights granted to all venues so long as article and by-line are reprinted intact and all links are made live.

Named by Executive Excellence Magazine as one of the top 100 thought leaders in business, Eileen McDargh, CSP, CPAE authored one of the first books on work/life balance. Numerous books and articles later, Eileen serves the meetings industry as a popular international keynoter and on the Board of Directors of the National Speakers Association. You can find products and services offered by Eileen at http://www.EileenMcDargh.com